I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
