can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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