I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
