weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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