i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Four minutes until I can fart!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
