Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
Randomize
