If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
