she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
