I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
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