See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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