I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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