I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
