I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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