It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
