I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He is an equal opportunity slut.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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