all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
