best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
