did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
