I skipped work to stalk him.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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