I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize