i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
