Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize