sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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