Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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