something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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