I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I wish my penis had an off switch
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
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