Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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