so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
