Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
