I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize