The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
