Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
