his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
