I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
