i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is wine microwaveable?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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