Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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