Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
