There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
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