I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
