Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
