we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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