Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
it's like heaven, but drunker
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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