she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
