Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
