He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
