Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
