from now on my penis is your penis
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
