It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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