She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize