Christians are straight up FREAKS
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Randomize
