a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
