What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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