So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you inspire me to be a worse person
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
