My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
