toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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