Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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