So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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