I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
