Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
