I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
