he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
He did a backflip because drugs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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