apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize