I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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