Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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