She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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