i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
