I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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