a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
