I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
