ya dads aren't the best wingmen
So drunk its hurt
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
