8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
