Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
