I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize