Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
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