Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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