Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
