Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
